I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
