He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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