census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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