Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
