Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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