One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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