I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
