I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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