New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize