Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
