Your tits are I can't wait for
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
All the doctor said was why
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
