It's like a parade of train wrecks.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Everyone says I win the strip club
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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