Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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