just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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