did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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