Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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