I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
