My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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