I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
