Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
