i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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