if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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