No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
