The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
