I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
