you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
