I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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