Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
