Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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