I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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