we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Randomize
