You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
