What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
And then my night got REAL pukey
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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