Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
