Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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