you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Randomize
