Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
