So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
