can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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