it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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