O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
