Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize