ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
