exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
