Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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