he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
