Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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