I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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