the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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