tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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