i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
