You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
