She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
