you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
