I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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