Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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