So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
