Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
this beer tastes like vomit already
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
