Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
