He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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