Swine flu. Run for my life!
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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