Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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