how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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