All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
